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I continue to wait for a message from him. I continue to look at the moon and the sky, asking for answers. I continue to look at the shining city from the terrace of my six floor building, hoping to find some sign. Something to say, it’s okay, life’s good.

Because it doesn’t seem all that good right now. Neither the beauty of the city, nor of the sky is touching my heart. My heart; it feels heavy. I don’t know why. Yet, I can’t cry.

People say talk about it to people you love. To people who love you. They’ll understand and you’ll feel better. I sat in front of my roommate and blurted it all out. I told her every damn thing that has been bothering me. Every damn thing, that shapes my life. Even things that I never really share. She was sad for me. She didn’t know how to soothe me though. No one does.

I feel broken now. More broken then I was feeling before. Blurting out problems is accepting that you have problems and accepting that you’re not as whole as you keep pretending to be. So I shared. And now I continue to feel broken. And I continue to wait helplessly for some sign from the universe to tell me that I won’t always be broken.


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